Today, in the picturesque village of Glenflesk, a reporter from BskyB parked his car on the forecourt of the local petrol filling station – the local pubs being closed at that hour of the morning. The team captains from all the local parishes were present for the inaugural meeting of the Glenflesk GAA Welly Challenge.
Local Garda units were present (as a precautionary measure), as were the Order of Malta, Irish Blood Transfusion Board, the Samaritans and a battalion of African Union-UN Hybrid Operation returning from Darfur (UNAMID) and on their way to another UN Peacekeeping mission in Limerick, via Finglas in Dublin.
The Glenflesk team, represented by Dara Roche, Jeff O’Donoghue, Michael O’Shea and Cian Horan, who quipped that his team are now so fast and agile that they are catching red deer as they do laps of Mangerton Mountain in the mornings before they go to work. He also added that they are using the same training pitch where their 1982 Minor team prepared for the 1982 Kerry MF Championship. It was here, on the bare rocky slopes of Carrauntoohill (to the west of the Devil’s Ladder), that men become men … and the rest are advised to take up golf !
The Dr Crokes team captain, Eoin Brosnan, not to be out-done, mentioned that his team are “as fit as fleas” from constantly lifting Kerry and Munster Club Championships, and shouldering him off the pitch after each final. He also boasted that Crokes were “the only club in Killarney hard enough to have a hurling team” so he didn’t think winning a welly run in the “soft month of May” was beyond them.
The Spa team captain, Niall O Mahony, said “the only reason the Glenflesk boys are catching deer is because we’ve already caught all of the fast ones – sure there’s only the one’s with foot rot left up there now. The Glenflesk lads are welcome to the sickly slow ones.”
Kilcummin was represented by Brendan Kealy and he was at pains to point out that his squad for the Glenflesk Welly Run would have the new Michelin GTX Fire Fly radial wellies and would prove to be a very difficult team to beat – especially at the pit stops.
The Legion were represented on the hillside by Brian Kelly who was recently named in the Daily Mail Future Champions team. He didn’t say much about the Welly Run or how Legion were going to do on the 11th of May but, in fairness, he did produce a nice Powerpoint presentation re their 5 Year Development plan – which will be launched during the course of the Club Awards Night next Sunday April 20th.
The local hermit – a wild raggedy man, usually only glimpsed in the dim light of the hour just after dawn, was in the village to oversee the ceremony. He’s not usually seen because of the horde of flies that follow him and break up his outline, along with the mane of long, red hair down to his patchwork quilt trousers. We’re not sure if these were a gift from an American golfer in the 1920’s or just down to there being more patches than trousers left.
Apparently, it was the first time he had left the mountain since he sang for the Queen upon her first royal visit to Ireland – no, not Liz … for Victoria in 1849 when she was in Killarney! Rumour has it, he has the first welly’s imported into Ireland – a pair brought here for testing by Hiram Hutchinson in the 1850s.
Anyways … I digress … he didn’t seem too comfortable in the company of lowlanders, so he suggested we have the meeting back in the mountains. In an effort to see how committed BskyB were to Gaelic games, the hermit suggested the BskyB man cover a game of on the upper slopes of Carrantouhill – to Glenflesk’s training pitch.
The BskyB man didn’t appear to be very well versed in the nuances of Gaelic games (or the GAA) since he asked those present if they preferred playing 4-4-2, 4-3-3 or 5-4-1, how they were coping with the new offside rule, and if they thought Glasgow Celtic should be allowed play in the English Premiership on account of the fact that two bunches of Welsh gits were doing so already.
The team captains from Firies, Fossa, Gneeveguilla, Listry, Rathmore, Scartaglin and St Patricks didn’t make it up the Devil’s Ladder but they did issue a press release via the alternative to Twitter in Kerry called Twaddle – allegedly named after the quality of the content. We do, however, hope to see them on the 11th May where the mantra will be “may the divil take the hindmost.” Hopefully, the Kerry Mountain Rescue service will have released THEM by May 11th.
Not to be outdone by their local rivals, Glenflesk PRO: Áine Ni Shuilleabhain, also issued a press release (via her new iPhone) to the effect that “Although the GAA has today confirmed that the wearing of coloured boots will now be an automatic black card offence (following on from rule changes which were implemented at a recent Ard Chomhairle meeting), the wearing of coloured wellies at the forthcoming World Welly Run at the INEC, Killarney would be permitted – nay, positively encouraged.”
And so started the long descent from the mountain – amid the usual multi-stranded debate re WHO is the best club in East Kerry and if someone from Kerry will EVER win the EuroMillions???
See you on May 11th
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and they have just produced a welly music video – youtu.be/zWSVM5PzV4Y